The official receipt says "corticotomy" ; yes, i survived 1.5 hours of surgery in a small operating chair in my dentist's clinic last Sat,Nov 18. In ordinary language, what the operation means is, the dentist need to cut a portion of my lower gum and move my lower teeth inside. I have a case of what my playmates bully me in the past as, "half-moon". My lower jaw is wider and is blessed with more teeth than an average person. I had my braces on 3 years back (initially due to vanity because "braces" are the latest "in" thing in the Phils back then) and the dentist already gave me a vision of what is yet to happen last Saturday in his office. I am calm when i stepped into the clinic 8:30am in the morning. The dentist called on his asisstants (there are all Pinoys btw, and they are all so "USI" since most have not seen "corticotomy" before -- i guess, i'm one of a kind), prepared all the tools and gadgets ( i almost changed my mind when i saw the chisel and the hammer laid in front of me), and finally he gave me a local anesthesia. My mouth was so numb, so no matter how much cutting and hammering (yes hammering because the dentist need to cut through the bone), i just laid back on the dentist chair and counting time when this will be over. After so many hands touching my mouth and a bucketful of blood, one hour has gone and the dentist is already doing the stitches. Suddenly with one big pull, he pushed the brackets from my front teeth and connected it to my right molars, whaahh! very very painful...i am in tears waving my hands for the dentist to stop! He gave me another shot of anesthesia and whaaah! i can feel the needle piercing through my sensitive gums, all the more painful...i am panting this time,panicking and grasping for air,if i had hypertension, i think this would have been a major attack. The nurses were trying to calm me down, i could not get hold of myself, i am really in pain, BIGTIME! After the long shot of anesthesia, the dentist is attempting to connect my teeth again and push inside, 1..2..3.. done! My body is shaking , i feel like all my nerves has been disturbed and i cannot control the shivers. The dentist said, i have been good (really?), that the operation is done, and i need to take one more X-ray before I leave. When i stood up, i feel like the world has turned upside down, i badly want to go home,lie down in bed, and recuperate from my agonising surgery.
Long minutes has passed, the X-ray machine is not yet up and running, the nurse already called the technician to quickly come over and fix the problem but, no technician has arrived yet. The anesthesia is slowly fading and again, i'm in tremendous pain. I feel so much pressure from my lower jaw , it almost feels like my mouth is breaking into pieces, i am having a massive headache! Where is the technician?, i am strongly complaining now to my husband. Of course, not to embarass us from the long que of patients waiting outside, my husband just re-assured me we will go home soon, be patient, and forget the pain. How can I disregard this pain???
After 30 minutes, i could not bear any longer, and the dentist asked me to come back again to the "deadly" chair . I thought he will just check if something went wrong but again, another needle pierced into my aching gums , not only once but twice, thrice, and i stopped counting at four...I am crying like a child, cannot compose myself,trying to grasp air, all I want is just to go home,please... NOW! At last, the X-ray man arrived and I was given a scan.
If you think pain is over after the dentist's clinic , the thing is, i have to be high on drugs just to survive. Round the clock i have to take 500mg of pain killer and antibiotics. Not to mention, on the 2nd day, my mouth is swollen and my lower gum is still bleeding. What is happening to me? i'm not very sure at all if this was the right decision to make. My son (now,17months old), never knowing that I am in pain is also wanting to be carried always and would want me to play around with him. He is becoming naughty these days as well, he will never take "NO" for an answer.
As I write this, I'm already on day 5, i have finished all the meds and for the first time when i look at the mirror, I do appreciate what my dentist has done. Gone are the "half-moon" days, hopefully, the wound from the surgery will heal very soon, my lower teeth will align and tuck inside, and I can make a great big smile again! But still, it was a bloody hell of an experience (for keeps!) :-)
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Remembering Bang
As I am writing this, i still can't believe that our good friend, Evan Ragandang has passed away last March 07. It was a sad week after hearing the news, and it was also an unexpected news to begin with. I was still on the phone with Bang when I visited Manila last Feb 13, and he was still in his good old jolly mood. Although i was concerned that he is back home in Cagayan de Oro,according to him,he is just resting for awhile after another visit to the hospital.
Bang has been confined for some time in the Lung Center in Manila last year because of his pneumonia/bronchitis/asthma/whatever not-so-clearly-diagnosed condition. We jokingly talked about it, and I teased him that he could be going out too much partying and he could have caught the "bird flu". Of course, conversations with Bang were never serious and comedian that he is, he will never talk to you seriously despite being in pain. I was always wondering, what Life could he have had if he didn't leave Singapore? It feels like that time was not so long ago, it was a point in time when most of my friends are already fed up of Singapore. In fact, that was the first disease he got -- the contagious "boredom". He was always talking about wanting change but i was never convinced that quitting work and packing your things abruptly is the solution. But, the wind of destiny is blowing him back to the Philippines and so, he went back and finally landed a new job, a new place, and new set of friends. I was content for him, the "change" that he was looking for has quickly materialised. But, I never thought it would come this far, not to the extent of not seeing him again.
Again, I have always wondered, could his Life be better if he did not leave Singapore? Even if he will be sick just the same, i somehow think that medical care in Singapore is better. Maybe he could have better treatment or maybe better, he could have stayed his same healthy self. I don't know what lies ahead, and I also don't own the future but sometimes, given the right conditions, maybe circumstances could have been different.
It is hard to ignore the loss of a friend specially if most of the pictures you have together are happy memories. I thought 10 or 15 years down the road I could compare notes with Bang and account for the individual lives we have journeyed. I guess that will not happen. I guess, for the mortal years Bang has enjoyed, that is the only history I could look back. But I guess, despite the short years, Bang will remain to bear a smiling face, he will always be remembered as the entertainer, the don't worry-be-happy guy, the urban chic, the adventurer, the aspiring tennis rookie (of thomson 800), the best in gossip, the most up-to-date when it comes to any 50-70% sale, the most neat and organised, the most talkative, the most ..the most.. the most... i can continue for a day but, i have to let go because he is only a memory now.
Bang, I have always thanked God for the gift of your friendship. For the life you have lost, I will all the more cherish the life I live. Life is short indeed, you remind me to slow down from my everyday "busyness", not forgetting what's essential to happy living that is, good health, loving relationships, and communion with the Lord.
So long my friend, you will always be remembered.
Bang has been confined for some time in the Lung Center in Manila last year because of his pneumonia/bronchitis/asthma/whatever not-so-clearly-diagnosed condition. We jokingly talked about it, and I teased him that he could be going out too much partying and he could have caught the "bird flu". Of course, conversations with Bang were never serious and comedian that he is, he will never talk to you seriously despite being in pain. I was always wondering, what Life could he have had if he didn't leave Singapore? It feels like that time was not so long ago, it was a point in time when most of my friends are already fed up of Singapore. In fact, that was the first disease he got -- the contagious "boredom". He was always talking about wanting change but i was never convinced that quitting work and packing your things abruptly is the solution. But, the wind of destiny is blowing him back to the Philippines and so, he went back and finally landed a new job, a new place, and new set of friends. I was content for him, the "change" that he was looking for has quickly materialised. But, I never thought it would come this far, not to the extent of not seeing him again.
Again, I have always wondered, could his Life be better if he did not leave Singapore? Even if he will be sick just the same, i somehow think that medical care in Singapore is better. Maybe he could have better treatment or maybe better, he could have stayed his same healthy self. I don't know what lies ahead, and I also don't own the future but sometimes, given the right conditions, maybe circumstances could have been different.
It is hard to ignore the loss of a friend specially if most of the pictures you have together are happy memories. I thought 10 or 15 years down the road I could compare notes with Bang and account for the individual lives we have journeyed. I guess that will not happen. I guess, for the mortal years Bang has enjoyed, that is the only history I could look back. But I guess, despite the short years, Bang will remain to bear a smiling face, he will always be remembered as the entertainer, the don't worry-be-happy guy, the urban chic, the adventurer, the aspiring tennis rookie (of thomson 800), the best in gossip, the most up-to-date when it comes to any 50-70% sale, the most neat and organised, the most talkative, the most ..the most.. the most... i can continue for a day but, i have to let go because he is only a memory now.
Bang, I have always thanked God for the gift of your friendship. For the life you have lost, I will all the more cherish the life I live. Life is short indeed, you remind me to slow down from my everyday "busyness", not forgetting what's essential to happy living that is, good health, loving relationships, and communion with the Lord.
So long my friend, you will always be remembered.
Friday, February 17, 2006
All Roads Will Lead You Home
Today, almost every Filipino dreams of working overseas in the hope of a better Life. There is an exodus of Filipino migrants scattered around the world in search of greener pastures. Sadly enough, less Filipinos now care about building the nation, a massive "brain drain" that will hemorrhage the future generation.
I am myself one of the many who has left in search of a better Life outside of the country. My siblings have done the same. My family is one of the many fragmented long-distance relationships where only the internet and IDD calls are connecting our ties together.
Who can blame our plight? What nation is there to build if you cannot provide a decent meal for your family? What government is there to trust if all you witness is corruption,deceit, and malpractice? What life is left to enjoy if most of our resources are dying of neglect and abuse? Our inherent survival instinct would urge us to take care of our own backyard first before others. And so it goes, the common tao in the Philippines equates life outside the 7,100 islands a respite amidst all the financial,political, and social issues fledging the nation. But, is it really worth it?
I am myself one of the many who has left in search of a better Life outside of the country. My siblings have done the same. My family is one of the many fragmented long-distance relationships where only the internet and IDD calls are connecting our ties together.
Who can blame our plight? What nation is there to build if you cannot provide a decent meal for your family? What government is there to trust if all you witness is corruption,deceit, and malpractice? What life is left to enjoy if most of our resources are dying of neglect and abuse? Our inherent survival instinct would urge us to take care of our own backyard first before others. And so it goes, the common tao in the Philippines equates life outside the 7,100 islands a respite amidst all the financial,political, and social issues fledging the nation. But, is it really worth it?
Friday, January 06, 2006
The Joy of Being Lola
Mama Mima and EJ (4 months old)
My mom and EJ (6 months old)What is it about "lolas" that makes them tickle when they see their grandchild (specially if it is the first one)?. I recall being a first time Mom is already overwhelming, I wonder how it feels to be a first time grandma??
My mother-in-law,Mama Mima, was with us shortly after I gave birth to EJ. I didn't really had the chance to spend a longer time with her before so, this is also our first "bonding" opportunity. The whole 5 months she was with us, all I can remember is this patient woman lovingly caring for EJ. She wakes up early each day looking forward to greeting EJ a good morning, bring him near the window and watch the morning bus that passes by. In a short while, she would carefully give him a bath and then change his nappies and put on fresh clothes. In between, there's a lot of babytalk,gigling, and laughing to entertain EJ. The whole routine is not complete without feeding him his first bottle of milk for the day and then, the finale would be a little rocking on EJ's baby swing coupled with some singging to put him to sleep. Without notice, time will quickly pass by and you will find my mother in law still patiently rocking EJ to sleep until he finally wriggles and shakes his legs wanting to get out. And then the whole routine starts again with a little entertainment, next batch of feeding, and then in a short while, sleeping.
Days ago, my mother was here in Singapore to visit us during the holidays. This is her first time to be out of the Philippines (along with my brother,Nicky) so the trip by itself is already overwhelming for her. The first time she saw EJ, I can see that different "spark" in her face, she suddenly smiled and hugged her grandson like it will be the last time. She was here for two weeks but, the shadow of that same patient woman suddenly came back to life. My mother would start the day looking forward to carrying EJ in her arms, play together, they would sit in the couch and watch the morning news, she would put him in his walker and watch him roam around messing up the living room. In a short while she would assist me giving EJ a bath, change nappies,then change clothes. She will then feed him with his milk, burp him and then, carry him in her shoulders with a little singging to put him to sleep. In a short while, EJ would be back on his toes again and so the whole routine comes back starting with a little play-play, and then eating, and then sleeping.
The two "lolas" had different encounters with their first "apo", yet both are the same in giving their 100% if not more, in taking care of EJ. That's what I can describe as deep love. Love that is inherent and will re-surface itself even if uncalled for. I'm sure both of them did not really think how much they have to give of one's self until they finally experience being with their grandson. I wonder how much fulfillment is there to have your first "apo"? Is there an emotional difference between your son and your grandson? I think it is needless to ask, because judging from the two lolas, I'm sure there is no comparison and it will be difficult to describe.
I'm here in Singapore but I continue to think about the two lolas who are now back in Davao. I wonder how they are feeling right now? I'm sure they miss EJ a lot, but beyond that, will the fondness last or will it fade as the little boy becomes naughtier? What is it about "lolas"? Or, should the question be, what is it about "mothers" that makes them a constant source of love and affection?
Monday, January 02, 2006
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