All Roads Will Lead You Home

Today, almost every Filipino dreams of working overseas in the hope of a better Life. There is an exodus of Filipino migrants scattered around the world in search of greener pastures. Sadly enough, less Filipinos now care about building the nation, a massive "brain drain" that will hemorrhage the future generation.

I am myself one of the many who has left in search of a better Life outside of the country. My siblings have done the same. My family is one of the many fragmented long-distance relationships where only the internet and IDD calls are connecting our ties together.

Who can blame our plight? What nation is there to build if you cannot provide a decent meal for your family? What government is there to trust if all you witness is corruption,deceit, and malpractice? What life is left to enjoy if most of our resources are dying of neglect and abuse? Our inherent survival instinct would urge us to take care of our own backyard first before others. And so it goes, the common tao in the Philippines equates life outside the 7,100 islands a respite amidst all the financial,political, and social issues fledging the nation. But, is it really worth it?

The Joy of Being Lola

Mama Mima and EJ (4 months old)





My mom and EJ (6 months old)








What is it about "lolas" that makes them tickle when they see their grandchild (specially if it is the first one)?. I recall being a first time Mom is already overwhelming, I wonder how it feels to be a first time grandma??

My mother-in-law,Mama Mima, was with us shortly after I gave birth to EJ. I didn't really had the chance to spend a longer time with her before so, this is also our first "bonding" opportunity. The whole 5 months she was with us, all I can remember is this patient woman lovingly caring for EJ. She wakes up early each day looking forward to greeting EJ a good morning, bring him near the window and watch the morning bus that passes by. In a short while, she would carefully give him a bath and then change his nappies and put on fresh clothes. In between, there's a lot of babytalk,gigling, and laughing to entertain EJ. The whole routine is not complete without feeding him his first bottle of milk for the day and then, the finale would be a little rocking on EJ's baby swing coupled with some singging to put him to sleep. Without notice, time will quickly pass by and you will find my mother in law still patiently rocking EJ to sleep until he finally wriggles and shakes his legs wanting to get out. And then the whole routine starts again with a little entertainment, next batch of feeding, and then in a short while, sleeping.

Days ago, my mother was here in Singapore to visit us during the holidays. This is her first time to be out of the Philippines (along with my brother,Nicky) so the trip by itself is already overwhelming for her. The first time she saw EJ, I can see that different "spark" in her face, she suddenly smiled and hugged her grandson like it will be the last time. She was here for two weeks but, the shadow of that same patient woman suddenly came back to life. My mother would start the day looking forward to carrying EJ in her arms, play together, they would sit in the couch and watch the morning news, she would put him in his walker and watch him roam around messing up the living room. In a short while she would assist me giving EJ a bath, change nappies,then change clothes. She will then feed him with his milk, burp him and then, carry him in her shoulders with a little singging to put him to sleep. In a short while, EJ would be back on his toes again and so the whole routine comes back starting with a little play-play, and then eating, and then sleeping.

The two "lolas" had different encounters with their first "apo", yet both are the same in giving their 100% if not more, in taking care of EJ. That's what I can describe as deep love. Love that is inherent and will re-surface itself even if uncalled for. I'm sure both of them did not really think how much they have to give of one's self until they finally experience being with their grandson. I wonder how much fulfillment is there to have your first "apo"? Is there an emotional difference between your son and your grandson? I think it is needless to ask, because judging from the two lolas, I'm sure there is no comparison and it will be difficult to describe.

I'm here in Singapore but I continue to think about the two lolas who are now back in Davao. I wonder how they are feeling right now? I'm sure they miss EJ a lot, but beyond that, will the fondness last or will it fade as the little boy becomes naughtier? What is it about "lolas"? Or, should the question be, what is it about "mothers" that makes them a constant source of love and affection?

Little Santa

Ho!ho!ho!

Hi!Hi!Hi!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Confessions of a paranoid mother

EJ has just started to eat his first solid meal -- a bowl of brown rice diluted in fruit juice or milk. This wonder boy never fails to explore anything possible that his little hands can grab. He is at a stage where curiosity overpowers and everything goes to the mouth. And this is where my paranoia starts...

First, my concern on "germs". His hands are touching every single object that comes his way and unfortunately with no warning, it also goes to his mouth. Clean-freak as I was and still am, I am greatly concerned that he may just pick up all the "seen and unseen" germ colony in the house. This anxiety causes extra hours of cleaning,washing, dusting, and baby-proofing just to make sure that he will not catch any uncalled for disease. Even seeing ants cause me to panic these days..

Second, he never stops wanting for more, do i give in or is this his first lesson of control? EJ seems to have found a new awareness of himself. Basically, he gets what he wants, and i'm half-guilty of being easily manipulated by his cute pleadings. We started him with a teaspoon or two of solid food but now he's wanting the whole bowl to himself ! True enough, the story never ends without any repercussion. He just had a bad constipation (as in,really bad). He did not pass motion for the past 6 days and i am so worried that I have to bring him to the doctor. The doctor gave him a suppository and whah! after 6 hours, the whole 6 days of waste just came out in one poop, it was so bad...it smells like rotten meat :-(. There's a lot of "I should have done this", and "I should have done that" debating in my mind. Bottomline, I should have done a better job controlling him of what he wants because after all, it should be the adult who knows better,right?

Third, my mind is so excited to see him grow up. I am already one book ahead in planning his clothes,his meals,his first birthday and etc. Every night I sleep with a picture in my mind, wanting to provide him only the happiest memories, the best education, the safest environment, the most nutritious and delicious food i can think of (which is partly why i have another blog,My Kitchen). I am far too ahead in planning his future, I might be loosing ground of the present. But, i just can't help it, nothing like this happened to me before and there is an involuntary inertia coming out of me to just provide for him whatever is best.

Haay...everything now revolves around EJ. I wonder what he must be thinking about his Mommy. Am I doing a good job? Does he love me as much as I love him? I may not hear the answer too soon, but, it is enough consolation for me to see him smile each time I come home. I am beginning to like my new role as a mother and hopefully, being one is what I will be good at.

Christmas spirit in Singapore?

Christmas is only a few days away and I can't help but think about coming back home in the Philippines. No matter how financially-challenged, every Filipino home during this time of the year seems to be very alive and festive. Christmas lights decorate the streets, christmas carols are heard everywhere - from jeepneys to malls, to children singging carols. In everything, people seem to transform into some goodness e.g. gift-giving,visiting friends & relatives,cooking & sharing meals in the neighborhood. This is usually the time when enemies become friends, the one time event of the year where I find there's abundance of love and joy.

We strolled around Orchard road and it displays beautiful decors, bright lights, big Christmas trees, and etc.. The scene is feast to your eyes but it seems to lack the "Christmas spirit". Christmas in Singapore is so much more a merchandising event and I think people flock to shopping districts like Orchard road to avail of the Christmas sale or find good end-year bargain. When we go back to our apartment, the neighborhood is still that same old quiet environment, not even a christmas carol or a christmas lantern to greet you by.

Unfortunately, we will not be home for Christmas this year. For the record, this will be my first Christmas also away from home. The only difference, this time, i have a newfound family to begin celebrating Christmas every year. If you think of it, Christmas is really a celebration of having family -- Jesus being born into this world in the welcoming arms of Mary & Joseph. I'm glad that despite being away from home, I now have a new Home I can call my own. What matters most is not where you are at this time of the year, but how you spend time to make Christmas meaningful. For me, Christmas is a time for family and family is where we are in Singapore.

Emilio Joaquin

This is a cute photo of my little one, Emilio Joaquin.
We call him "EJ" for short. He's 5 months old now
and growing up very fast.

Boxing anyone?

First day

November 25,2005, today is my first day as a "blogger".

I've never really understood what "blogging" meant until I came across this food blog site,pinoycook.net. I thought, i can also do the same - express my thoughts and perhaps put anything to it e.g. photos, recipes i came across or experimented in our kitchen or perhaps, anything under the sun. I'm trying to recover what I once had as a talent, writing. Wish me good luck if that will re-surface or will remain to be hidden :-).